Journey

And now these three remain Faith, Hope and Love. But the greatest of these is love.
Corinthians 13:13

I think that Doug and I would both agree that the most frustrating thing we have faced since moving to Guatemala has been the language barrier. The first few months were quiet comical as we traveled around the town. And the guard of our neighborhood would politely smile at us when we knew he was laughing inside. We knew when we visited the school it would be even more frustrating.

But God showed me when I met Dani and his sisters that I don’t need words at all. When we arrived at the school there were about 5 children that were waiting for our visit. They, like all children I have met, were worn from the world around them. Their clothes were torn and dirty, shoes were worn and small, they had dirty faces with runny noses and dry and sore skin. But as we talked, they began to show us their beautiful smiles.

My heart broke. They needed my touch more than I could ever begin to imagine. They needed a mother’s touch. They needed a mother’s love.

A young boy, Dani, sat beside me and we began to talk. I understood for a moment and then I had to ask our friend to translate for me. His sisters held my hand, touched my hair and stayed close to me. I held their hand and smiled. It seemed that they longed for me to touch them and they to touch me. They stayed close.

As we talked more Dani shared that their mother had past away two years ago. My heart broke. They needed my touch more than I could ever begin to imagine. They needed a mother’s touch. They needed a mother’s love.

And Here I am. I felt like I had nothing to give because of this language barrier. The barrier I knew I would face. As I look into these children’s eyes again God shows me the place He needs me to be. A child with no mother and I was once a mother with no child. He continues to bring that pain that once paralyzed my body and soul and shows me why. He shows me that my pain will not go without purpose. He will continue to bring beauty to it just as He did with the coming together of my family.

I don’t know why these children have to endure such loss. I also don’t quite understand why we live in a world with so much brokenness. What I do know is that my God cries for all of us. He cries out for His children and He wants so much to wrap His arms around us and hold us tight. I have felt these arms around me for so long now. And so He has called me at this time to be Him to these children. At this point I don’t have many words to share but I don’t think that is what He is worried about. Right now He wants me to show them the love that He has showed me.

So I am called to hug and touch these children just like their mother would have done. And from there He will do the rest.

-Holly

He told them, ” The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field. Go!” Luke 10: 2 & 3. A few days ago, I took sometime and went to the fields with my dad, brother and nephew. When I was young, I couldn’t wait to spend time with my dad on the farm. Actually, that was what I preferred.

As a child I remember helping my dad open the seed bags, so that he could pour them into the planter. I remember countless hours riding in the tractor and, my favorite memory, falling asleep in the cab as the warm sun shined in.

I remember learning to drive a tractor and being terrified that I would mess something up. I remember working the fields and smelling the fresh smell of the earth. I remember unloading wagon after wagon load of grain. I remember the first time my dad let me drive the combine all by myself. I remember helping my mom make meals and take them to the fields for the guys. And the countless hours of time in the garden with my mom.

I could go on and on of all those great memories. But I also remember some not so great times. Like, the times when I wanted to be with friends, but instead had to be at the field or working in the garden. I remember hooking all of the weeds out of many fields. I remember cutting wood every Saturday, so that we would have enough to keep us warm for the winter. I remember the stress levels when doubt would settle in after a equipment would break or when the weather was too cold or too wet. I remember the tired and worn bodies of working long, hard hours during planting and harvest season.

Being a farmer is not easy. A farmers life revolves around his fields. And it is the same for his family. Faith becomes important everyday of your life. To trust during times of doubt. My dad told me that he would spend a lot time talking to and thanking God for this bountiful harvest. I am sure there were many times when the harvest wasn’t as bountiful, but he still thanked Him. My mom has told me she feels closer to God in her garden than anywhere else. I know He is there because He blesses every seed she puts in the ground.

All of us had to work and each one of us had to do our part during harvest. Just as Christ said the harvest is plenty and the workers are few. Christ is “the Lord of harvest” or the farmer and His harvest is plentiful. His fields mean everything to Him. He too longs for a bountiful harvest. The ones He has called to be His workers have a great responsibility. He needs us to be His hands and feet. And just like a farmer, there will times that are hard and times where the workers are few compared to the work in front of them. He needs His workers to press on and have faith that He is there.

I was once that seed that the “Lord of harvest” planted and my parents, along with many others worked, made sure that seed nurtured and loved. But most of all, they made sure I knew who my Creator was. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for my parents and their harvest. I am blessed to be a farmers daughter. Here and in heaven.

-Holly

The hardest part about our journey is when I experience my children weeping. It has only happened a few times, but it was such a painful experience for me as a mom. When God called us to Guatemala it wasn’t just Doug and I that He called, it was our children too.

Tonight, both Maya and Cooper cried before bed. They said they didn’t know why they were crying, but I knew. They were grieving. Grieving for the only house they have known, for the school and friendships they are missing and grieving for the life they once knew as their own.

It breaks my heart when they look into my eyes and ask “Why do we have to do this?”. I can attempt to explain it to them, but they only understand at a a child’s level.

It is a difficult sacrifice that they didn’t ask to make. Like any mother, when your child is hurting you want to fix it. So, I started asking them how I could take this hurt away ? What can I say that will make it all better for them? I quickly realized I can’t take it away and I can’t make it better — and that is very hard for me.

This is something they have to go through and it will probably get harder. As I sat with Maya and let her cry, she began to open up. All I could do was hold her as tight as I could, tell her I love her and pray with her.

I reminded her that Jesus told His disciples that when they decided to follow Him that it wasn’t going to be easy. But, He did promise that He would always be with them.

I have no doubt that God is right here with my family. I feel and sense Him every day along our journey. My children are sacrificing everything they know and I’m trying hard to help them understand “surrendering”. I admit, I even have a hard time with that word. We have been called to surrender “things” that make us happy and content and that can cause pain. Because when we surrender, we surrender everything that keeps us from being totally dependent on Him.

Tonight, I am only seeing and feeling a tiny bit of what God felt when His Son sacrificed and surrendered Himself for me on the cross. I can’t imagine. I am pretty sure I would not be able to leave my son on that cross.

I am a weak mom. He brings me to my knees as I cry out and ask for Him to hold my children. And then He softly reminds me that they are His and that He already has this under control. He is already holding them, just as He has held Doug and I through all of our hurt.

I see God using them in great ways when we get to Guatemala. We will continue to face difficult times, but He is able to protect their hearts. All I can do is to continue to point them to “Him” and He will take care of the rest.

– Holly

“Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch” — Luke 5:4

There are days that I doubt that I am strong enough to do this. In the last months, there have been many weak moments for me. Unfortunately for my kids they have witnessed some of these. Moments when I’ve lost it, moments when I’ve gotten angry, moments when I’ve cried — alone and in front of everyone, and lots of moments on my knees praying.

It’s in my weakest moments that I begin to doubt myself. There are days I can barely keep this family together here, let alone in another country. How can a weak child of God show others strength when there are days that I just don’t have any?

The last two days I haven’t felt well. I needed to rest, but I didn’t have time. And the enemy really started to work on me. Telling me over and over that I can’t do this. You can’t do this Holly!!! And I started believing it. And just like many other mornings, God woke me early today to remind me that I can do it.

He brought me to Luke chapter five. The calling of the first disciples. It was Simon Peter. Jesus got into their boats and told them to throw their nets in the deep water. Peter told Him that he had worked all night and hadn’t caught a thing, but he will do as he said. When they finally caught fish there was so much that their boat begin to sink. When Peter saw this he fell to his knees saying, “Go away from me Lord, I am a sinful man.” And Jesus said, “don’t be afraid, from now on you will catch men.” And so Simon Peter followed Jesus.

When Jesus calls us to follow Him, He pushes us beyond our comfort and abilities. He calls us into deep water, and sometimes even deeper water. He puts us in places in our lives so that we must completely depend on Him.

A wonderful friend reminded me that I have already stepped out onto the water…and now my job is to keep my eyes upon Him. There are days when the deep water scares me to death…I feel I’m in the the unknown. There will be many days ahead that I will start to sink, but what is so awesome is that I know my God will be there to pick me up.

I believe where we have been and what God has brought us through prepared us for our journey ahead. All I need to do is keep my eyes upon “Him”.

”God doesn’t call people who are qualified. He calls people who are willing, and then He qualifies them.” — Richard Parker

– Holly

I will admit, the last month has been draining for me. I spent many days trying to get our house ready to be sold. Painting, cleaning, and going through our “stuff”. Sarahn was my great little partner who would read to me, sing to me, and help me as I kept busy.

It wasn’t the labor that was hard for me. You see, just nine years ago this May, Doug and I began to build our house. The house we designed and helped build. It was our dream house. The house in which we dreamed we would see our kids grow up and in the one we would grow old. It is the house that we believe God had blessed us with.

There were days that I cried while I painted. I struggled with the thought of letting go of our house. When you buy or build a house out of love, it becomes your home. A safe place where your family can live, grow up, and make memories. First steps, first birthdays, first days of school, first bike rides, and much more.

It is one of the material things in the world that I think God is OK with, as long as you use it for Him. Our home has not just been a blessing to us, we believe God has used it for many more reasons. I started babysitting three beautiful girls and out of that came a friendship with a family that will be friends forever, we had countless WELL group (small group) gatherings, and many get-togethers with our friends and family — including some crazy, loud New Year’s parties. We refereed many kid sleepovers, opened up our home to a close friend and her two kids for an entire summer, hosted a family of seven from Guatemala for two weeks, made great memories with Doug’s brother and his family while they stayed with us, took in Safe Family kids that needed a home — which include a little boy that has captured our heart, and recently added three kids to our family for a week while our friends traveled overseas to meet the children they are adopting.

In this season of our life, God has provided us this house. All I know is that, Yes, I am sad to leave this house because it is our home, but the memories are in our hearts and they will stay with us no matter where we journey. As we transition into the next season of life, we know He has already picked out a new house that will fulfill His plans for us and He will make it our new home.

I leave you with some insightful thoughts from King Solomon in Ecclesiastes.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend.

Parts taken from Ecclesiastes 3:1-7 – NIV

Blessings,

Holly Harrold

It was four years ago that Doug came to me and told me he felt God was leading our family to Guatemala.  I will admit to you, I laughed at him.  First of all, a person with a chronic illness move to a third world country?  Second, take my family to Guatemala and disrupt our comfortable life, close by to all of our family and friends.  Everything we believed we needed was right here.

Why would we do that?  Doug didn’t tell me at the time, but he began to pray that God would either change his heart or open my eyes.  He didn’t say anymore to me, but I could see him struggling.  I refused to even pray about it because I thought he was crazy.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Guatemala and we do have family there, but to live there…no way.  I was comfortable visiting once or twice a year and sending money whenever it was needed.

We can do what God wants us to do from right here..safe in my comfortable world.  And so, in time, I began to pray.  And God began to open my eyes and heart.  I eventually realized God wanted us in Guatemala, but I was scared to death.

Before our trip in the summer of 2013, I made a deal with God.  Yes, I know that sounds crazy, but I told Him that I needed to see Him on this trip.

Our very first morning there, I woke up early and was reading my bible and He led me to Genesis 28:15 : “I am with you and will watch over you where you go and I will bring you back to this land.  I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”  And at that very moment, God opened my heart and took away my fears and showed me where He wanted our family : where He is with us, and He will watch over us and He will NOT leave us because we are here for Him.  To show the people Him, to offer them hope and to show them love…God’s love for them.

I won’t lie, the enemy continues to work on me.  He is constantly trying to put doubt in my mind.  But what is so awesome is that my God continues to be my refuge and He drives out the enemy saying “destroy him!”

I look back and our at our lives and see this beautiful journey that God has graciously let us be part of.  How faithful He has been and how faithful He will continue to be.  His journey for us is so far from over and all I can say is “Wow!”

As the journey continues,

Holly Harrold