Surrender
The hardest part about our journey is when I experience my children weeping. It has only happened a few times, but it was such a painful experience for me as a mom. When God called us to Guatemala it wasn’t just Doug and I that He called, it was our children too.
Tonight, both Maya and Cooper cried before bed. They said they didn’t know why they were crying, but I knew. They were grieving. Grieving for the only house they have known, for the school and friendships they are missing and grieving for the life they once knew as their own.
It breaks my heart when they look into my eyes and ask “Why do we have to do this?”. I can attempt to explain it to them, but they only understand at a a child’s level.
It is a difficult sacrifice that they didn’t ask to make. Like any mother, when your child is hurting you want to fix it. So, I started asking them how I could take this hurt away ? What can I say that will make it all better for them? I quickly realized I can’t take it away and I can’t make it better — and that is very hard for me.
This is something they have to go through and it will probably get harder. As I sat with Maya and let her cry, she began to open up. All I could do was hold her as tight as I could, tell her I love her and pray with her.
I reminded her that Jesus told His disciples that when they decided to follow Him that it wasn’t going to be easy. But, He did promise that He would always be with them.
I have no doubt that God is right here with my family. I feel and sense Him every day along our journey. My children are sacrificing everything they know and I’m trying hard to help them understand “surrendering”. I admit, I even have a hard time with that word. We have been called to surrender “things” that make us happy and content and that can cause pain. Because when we surrender, we surrender everything that keeps us from being totally dependent on Him.
Tonight, I am only seeing and feeling a tiny bit of what God felt when His Son sacrificed and surrendered Himself for me on the cross. I can’t imagine. I am pretty sure I would not be able to leave my son on that cross.
I am a weak mom. He brings me to my knees as I cry out and ask for Him to hold my children. And then He softly reminds me that they are His and that He already has this under control. He is already holding them, just as He has held Doug and I through all of our hurt.
I see God using them in great ways when we get to Guatemala. We will continue to face difficult times, but He is able to protect their hearts. All I can do is to continue to point them to “Him” and He will take care of the rest.
– Holly